Bungee Babysitter

I got to thinking about baby proofing our home. About 95% of our home is baby safe, the problems are the one metre around the TV, the one metre around the wine rack, the 10cm around each plug, etc. So I got to thinking, what about doing things the other way around, instead of changing things to prevent the baby from getting hurt, what about just preventing the baby from getting there?

If you look at any room, at least half is already baby safe, so limit the baby to that half of the room and suddenly your whole house is baby safe. The problem is limiting the baby. Fences are effective, but are more likely to result in you tripping over them and breaking an ankle, or worse spilling a beer.

So being a true yachty, when presented with how to secure something, I thought of bungee cord. The idea is very simple, in each room you determine the area which is the safest, attach a hook to the wall with a piece of bungee short enough to keep the baby in the safe zone. Get your baby a harnes and clip them to the bungee. If they crawl towards the wine rack, the bungee will gradually give them more and more resistance until they are stopped, no sudden jerks, just a gentle disuasion.

As you move around the house you unclip the baby from the bungee in one room and clip it onto the bungee in the next. This also has the added advantage of localising the toy dispersal to the safe zone.

Just one reminder, unclip the baby before taking it to the next room or you may suddenly find the little sprog shooting from your arms back into the safe zone. The first time this happens you may think you have an olympic sprinter on your hands as your little darling goes dashing back to the safe zone, however, the imprint left on the wall will soon dispel this myth.

The best part is this is also truly portable. A stake hammered into the grass will make any garden suddenly a baby safe area. Going to a friends house and you don't want take the drilling machine along to attach the hooks to the walls? Simply loop the bungee around the leg of a chair or table. Voilla!

The possibilities are limitless. A teenage model doesn't use bungee, but a steel cable (a couple of kilometres long) attached to a winch. They can go out in the evening and at curfew the winch starts, within minutes your teenager is back home safe and sound.

This parenting isn't so hard, it just requires a little thought, planning and ingenuity!

Countdown (sort of)

Floriane suggested that we include a count down. Right, good idea! We'll start now with 5 weeks to go. Well that is if you believe the gynea, if we go according to the MD it is now 4 weeks! But wait, there is more, if you go according to the neo-natal scan at Kingsbury it is 4 and half weeks.

This all assumes that sprog decided to leave its current accomodation on schedule, this means it could be 2 weeks either way. All told waiting for a birth is very much like waiting for a MetroRail train, you know it will arrive, but you have no idea when; and guaranteed should you nip off to the toilet for 2 minutes that is exactly when it will arrive, and you'll be left doing the penguin-waddle down the platform with your trousers around your knees chasing a disappearing train.

So in conclusions, sprog could be joining us in anywhere from 2 - 7 weeks. 2 weeks.... Suddenly I'm feeling just a little nervous. Time for me to nip off to the pub for quick stiff drink.

Braais and Babies

Sunday we had Phil (with Jessica and Charley), Megan, Toby, Meris and Michelle over for a braai. Having 5 woman, 1 baby and 1 two year-old, results in one thing and one thing only: baby talk. Toby and I quickly realised our mistake, we were quickly facing a growing wave of oestregen which threatened to sweep us away. We retreated to the only place truly safe from oestregen, the braai. There we tried to shore up our testosterone levels by talking about the Stormers game.

Bad mistake! There's not a lot of difference between babies and the Stormers. The Stormers still have not mastered the art of catching and throwing the ball. They need constant reassurance and guidance, particularly guidance towards the try line. Their ability to concentrate for any period of time is also very limited, with the maximum being about 78 minutes. And lastly, their communication skills are lacking and like most kids, they just don't listen, no matter how many times the referee shouts and screams.

At least with a baby, you know they are going to improve, with the Stormers, well maybe they need to go a to a school for 'special' children.

So we bravely abandoned the braai and joined the ladies at the table. We christened our new table with the first meal, and what a pleasure to be able to have everyone sit down to a meal around a table. I can see we are going to get a lot of use out of it.

Baby Showers

Jenny had her baby shower on Saturday. She was invited over to Alex's to help prepare for Alex's '30th Birthday Party'. As suspicious as ever she was suspecting that it was her baby shower. However, she started doubting when Alex said she could pitch up any time between 2 and 3 and then when she did get there the only people there were Bianca and Josie who were also helping.

Sneaky Alex had organised with her mom that everyone park at Rustenberg Girls and then walk over to the house at 5pm. Jenny was sent to answer the door when it rang and was surprised by everyone. Well done to Alex for managing to surprise Jenny.

So Jenny got given a whole slew of presents for the baby, of which I've see about half, as they are still in the bag waiting to unpack. We were going to finish the nursery this weekend, however, things didn't quite work out. Kate organised a blind for the room and somewhere between me measuring it and the cutter cutting the material, someone got slapped with the dyslexia stick. As a result the blind was about 20cm too short, I looked at this and took the universe's advice and sat down and had a beer.

We did manage to get the mosquito net hung as well as some pictures, most importantly a Jenny Jones original painting. Jenny Jones, for you nuckle-dragging-neanderthals, is a famous artist in the UK and also Jenny's aunt. So the painting is hung, rigged to the burglar alarm with pressure sensors and drop cages.

When is it my child and when is it our child?

So Sprog is doing gymnastics and in the course of the tumbles, turns and flick-flacks Jenny's ribs are taking a beating.

This led to the discovery that Jenny is having 2 babies one is called 'OurChild' and the other 'YourChild'. These 2 children have very different personalities, OurChild is cute and adorable, has the most darling little hands and is the only one that shows up on the scans. YourChild is more devious and hides away during the scans.

During the day there is also a difference in behaviour, OurChild does funny little kicks, move around and get hiccups, while YourChild treats Jenny's ribs as a marimba, or her bladder as a trampoline.

The strangest thing is that there is already an integral link between me and YourChild. We seem to share the same BPA (Brownie Point Account). No sooner have I earned brownie points, via flowers, chocolates, massage, etc. than YourChild decides to jump on the trampoline or play the marimba and suddenly my BPA is empty. This parenthood is going to take a lot of getting used to.