Baiting the trap

The lair is progressing well, to the point were I feel myself being drawn in every now and then. Very scary! So we finished the painting, and stuck the Winnie the Pooh stickers around the walls. It is now starting to look like a nursery. We still need to stick up some of the other decorations, mosquito net and hang pictures.

People may think I'm being a bit facetious when refering to it as a lair, but ponder this: A new born can't focus on more anything more than 20cm away. So what is the point of putting pretty pictures on the walls and beautifully decorating the nursery?

Well the one reason is snobbery; 'Our nursery is prettier than your nursery!' People always compare their nurseries, ours is always better of course.

Another is to lure people into the whole 'cute' concept of children and hopefully trap them into agreeing to baby sit for you; at least once. After that they usually cash their reality cheque and politely decline.

However, the primary reason for the nursery is camoflage. Yes, just in case the little sprog is as ugly as sin when he/she pops out, by sticking them in a pretty nursery you can desparately pray that people don't notice your little bundle of joy should not be in a cot, but sitting under a bridge terrorising passing billy-goats.

Of Ceasars and Nurseries

First big news is that Alex and Brian have had a baby boy, 3.1kg named Michael Joshua Pinnock. She went into labour at about 10pm and it was born at about 4:30am on Valentines Day. There goes their Valentines day for the rest of their lives, no more romantic dinners for two, it will always be Michael's birthday!

So Jenny was not convinced to write an entry for the Ladies Night at ante-natal classes. She claims nothing of real interest happened except that all the ladies were sharing the complaints they had about back pains and how often they cry and when crying got them the most sympathy. She pointed out that I was very lucky as she didn't subject me to any of these trials. I agreed.

On Monday we covered the ceasarian section. Nice slide show, all carefully sanitised, I've seen more blood on Corne Krige's face than we saw in all the slides. Does this mean that all the special effect in Kill Bill where people had their stomachs sliced open were fake. I CAN'T believe that. Quentin Tarentino bending the truth for violent effect is just NOT believable!

We also covered new born baby care. Apparently babies cry a lot, have to be fed often, and require a huge amount of attention. There goes my theory of sticking it in a nursery when we got home and checking in once a week. The problem is you can't get specs for your baby before it is conceived. I want to be able to know what I am getting. I want to be able to look over the specs and then decide that I would like the Mark-3 model which comes with remote volume control, pause feature, a self cleaning mode and the 18 year no-questions-asked exchange policy.

The lair is now painted, although Justice did miss a couple of areas. Not surprising as Justice is supposed to be blind! So I'll need to get more paint this weekend and touch up. We'll also be doing the decorating and cot assembly. Should be interesting, if the cot assembly goes well I'll tell you all about, if not... Well let's just say their may be underage people reading this so we'll censor that tirade.

I'll be taking some pictures and we'll attempt to put some pictures on the web site next week. The lair of the beast is approaching completion, the trap is being set and the springs tightened to snap shut quickly and decisively.

We used some of my dad's gift money to buy the camp cot, baby monitor, bath and other smaller items. Thanks Dad!

With yesterday being Valentines Day, Jenny and I went out together and had a quiet meal, one of the last one we'll be able to enjoy together as a couple. Everything is starting to get very real, very scary but sometimes very exciting.

Sorry, men only

Monday's ante-natal class was a men's only affair, with this coming Thursday being for the ladies only. Teacher even gave us permission to bring some beers, and I was always the obedient one and I duly brought my fair share. So why the men only you may ask? Well, not entirely sure but here is my theory: Its a conspiracy!

No, I've haven't joined the tinfoil helmet brigade, I think I have a valid theory. What we covered were things like post-natal depression, post-natal sex, bathing and changing nappies. Ok, the first two I can see how it may be better if the wives weren't there, but bathing and changing nappies? And the nail in the coffin is when Lynne said she would not be telling the woman about bathing and changing nappies. So I can see the first time Sprog gives us a present nicely wrapped in a Pampers/Huggies/etc I can see Jenny innocently looking at me and saying: "We didn't do this in class, you better handle it. I'll watch until I feel comfortable changing nappies." The comfort zone will approach probably when Sprog is about 16. The bathing, is the same story. You be the judge if I'm being just a little paranoid!

As the Thursday class is wives only, Jenny will have to report back on that one. I guess if she is bombarded with enough emails she may be convinced to post something here. [Hint, Hint]

The progress on the nursery is somewhat lacking, I was working Saturday and Jenny was out with Alex so that was Saturday written off and Sunday the motivation levels were low. Just as well, Justice was sick on Tuesday so the nursery wouldn't have been painted in any case.

Yesterday, Kate and Jenny went shopping and returned with a cot. Thanks Kate and Mike for this wonderful gift! This weekend we'll spending some of the money we received from my Dad on the camp cot, baby monitor and breast pump. We are also going to look at the cost of under-floor heating for the nursery. Jenny also suggested we look at getting a chest freezer; "So we can use the freezer in the kitchen for small prefrozen meals for the baby." I saw right through this one, the baby is only going to be eating in 9 months time, I think she is angling to get me to do the cooking over the weekends and then to freeze the meals for the weeks so that we can just defrost them during the week. Hmm, very sneaky. I'll probably fall for it regardless, though. At least this will be during winter when stews and curries go down well.

To all those who have given me such positive feedback, thanks. It is nice to know people are reading my inane ramblings. I've opened up the comments section so click on 'Comments' below and feel free to post some comments, you can even remain anonymous if you wish.

The big scan

Well the scan wasn't so big, however, we discovered that, if the doctors predictions are correct, Jenny will be having a 3.9kg baby. Might cause her some discomfort.

I received email from Phil who is on maternity leave. She is at home after giving birth to a little girl by the name of Charley and is trying to potty train her 2 year old daughter Jessie. She pointed out that I had forgotten about the TENS machines for pain relief. TENS stands for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation. Basically they connect pads to your back and send an electrical current through the pads to the nerve endings. In the early 1900's this was known as electro-shock therapy and was used to treat the mentally insane, now they want to use it on pregnant woman.

Now I'm sure many husbands would agree that the mood swings which afflict pregnant woman (not that Jenny has had any mood swings) make for a pretty close approximation to mental instability. However, I still don't think that this justifies the use of this form of treatment. I am going to keep an open mind and take a tazer along and should Jenny want to use electrical pain control I'll be right there to help her.

I don't doubt these machines work. It is logical, after being electrocuted, the concept of pushing something the size of melon out of a hole the size of orange, seems far less painful than another session of electro-shock therapy. Everything is relative.

We are also going to start on the nursery this weekend, this will involve moving things around a bit and marking what parts of the walls must be different colors so we can get Justice (our gardener/diy/etc person) to do the painting. We'll also be going to buy the camp cot, baby monitor, etc. We can now afford to buy all these things straight away as my Dad has generously given us a wad of dough to help us out. Between our two families we could maybe turn this child rearing into a profitable business. Hmm, something to ponder. Although I know they are reading this so I think I've just shot that plan all to hell!